|
☮
20070629
20:30
today is slightly better. maybe bcoz Yee Joo & my friends were with me. honestly, i dont feel belong until today just like 2 years ago. sad, isnt it? after 2 years. i think i must be blind. sometimes, i feel like hurting myself again and again. it never fails to slip in my mind and makes me 'feel' the pain. its horrible, you know. it is. you cant think of this bcoz you're afraid it'll hurt you or your friends. you cant think of that also bcoz the same damn reason. so, your damn mind decided to think of the pain. im tired of pretending. for once, i just want to cry my heart out. maybe aft that, i could scream all the pain away. no, its not about love. its just that im still hating what i have had been in the past. everything is all over the place. its never over, i suppose. sometimes, i feel as if someone hates me a lot. hating every bit of me. i guess you shld. if im someone else, i would hate myself too Labels: attachments, borderline personality disorder he ate my heart, then he ate my brain ♥
☮
20070628
19:45
today is officially a screwed up day. dont know why smiled countless times. its weird and somewhat annoying. anw, i decided to put Imran Ajmain's Compromise on the blog. to be honest, he reminds me of Luqman. for some strange reason, Imran looks reminds me of my bro's godbro. btw, i asked Luqman about the bio lect. he was sitting alone at the steps outside the LT. always notice him around there. sigh. something horrible happened. bad luck, i guess. it too horrible to type it here. actually, not that horrible. sigh. i feel so useless. i think they shld think so too. rinna the useless one ): Labels: imran ajmain, misery he ate my heart, then he ate my brain ♥
☮
20070626
18:37
I never knew perfection ‘til I heard you speak, and now it kills me Just to hear you say the simple things Now waking up is hard to do And sleeping’s impossible too Everything’s reminding me of you What can I do? It’s not right, not OK Say the word it should say Maybe we’re better off this way? I’m not fine, I’m in pain It’s harder everyday Maybe we’re better off this way? It’s better that we break… A fool to let you slip away I chase you just to hear you say You’re scared and that you think that I’m insane I see you look so nice from here Pity I can’t see it clearly While you’re standing there, it disappears It disappears It’s not right, not OK Say the word it should say Maybe we’re better off this way? I’m not fine, I’m in pain It’s harder everyday Maybe we’re better off this way? It’s better that we break up Saw you sitting all alone You’re fragile and you’re cold, but that’s all right Life these days is getting rough It knocks you down and beats you up But it’s just a rollercoaster anyway, yeh It’s not right, not OK Say the word it should say Maybe we’re better off this way? I’m not fine, I’m in pain It’s harder everyday Maybe we’re better off this way? I’m not fine, not OK Say the word it should say Maybe we’re better off this way? I’m not fine, I’m in pain It’s harder everyday Maybe we’re better off this way? It’s better that we break, baby Maroon 5 - "better that we break" he ate my heart, then he ate my brain ♥
☮
20070617
23:37
just read a depressing news frm the MYSPACE bulletin: "Her death was some time ago. I'm very deeply sad at this moment. She was at the wrong place at the wrong time, since she was 4 months pregnant. A hostle happened in Cremona, Italy's Burbank. Her father was instantly shot in the head, but she died slowly since she was shot in the stomach. Police said it was already to late to take her to the hospital. This girl was sweet, kind, and a loving dear kid-friend to me. I will miss you forever, you'll always be in my prayers, sweetie. I got this info from Carlos her boyfriend, who moved to Italy with her, just to be with her and his son. He wanted to be the first that his baby saw! I can't match up to that pain, but I can't believe this happened. I bet there are alot of things that happened to you guys, that made you question your faith.. I love you so much, Stacy. You are missed. Who ever did this horrible thing to you will pay! I swear..." it breaks my heart knowing that such things are happening in this world ): Labels: myspace, patrick martin stump he ate my heart, then he ate my brain ♥
☮
20070614
00:52
im lazy to blog this time. so im gonna leave you (the one reading this, if there's any) with a current fave song (: Paper bags and plastic hearts All are belongings in shopping carts It's goodbye But we got one more night Let's get drunk and ride around And make peace with an empty town We can make it right Throw it away Forget yesterday We'll make the great escape We won't hear a word they say They don't know us anyway Watch it burn Let it die Cause we are finally free tonight Tonight will change our lives It's so good to be by your side But we'll cry We won't give up the fight We'll scream loud at the top of our lungs And they'll think it's just cause we're young And we'll feel so alive Throw it away Forget yesterday We'll make the great escape We won't hear a word they say They don't know us anyway Watch it burn Let it die Cause we are finally free tonight All of the wasted time The hours that were left behind The answers that we'll never find They don't mean a thing tonight Throw it away Forget yesterday We'll make the great escape We won't hear a word they say They don't know us anyway Throw it away Forget yesterday We'll make the great escape We won't hear a word they say They don't know us anyway Throw it away Forget yesterday We'll make the great escape We won't hear a word they say They don't know us anyway Watch it burn Let it die Cause we are finally free tonight BOYS LIKE GIRLS - "The Great Escape" ps: pls leave me alone this few days. im not in the mood for anything. i have been thinking. have you? Labels: boys like girls, lyrics he ate my heart, then he ate my brain ♥
☮
20070611
00:47
dont know what the  the invisible rainbow  i miss mum I don't care if monday's blue tuesday's grey and wednesday too thursday I don't care about you it's friday I'm in love monday you can fall apart tuesday wednesday break my heart thursday doesn't even start it's friday I'm in love saturday wait and sunday always comes too late but friday never hesitate... I don't care if monday's black tuesday wednesday heart attack thursday never looking back it's friday I'm in love monday you can hold your head tuesday wednesday stay in bed or thursday watch the walls instead it's friday I'm in love saturday wait and sunday always comes too late but friday never hesitate... dressed up to the eyes it's a wonderful surprise to see your shoes and your spirits rise throwing out your frown and just smiling at the sound and as sleek as a shriek spinning round and round always take a big bite it's such a gorgeous sight to see you in the middle of the night you can never get enough enough of this stuff it's friday I'm in love the cure - "friday im in love" Labels: borderline personality disorder, lyrics, the cure he ate my heart, then he ate my brain ♥
☮
20070606
19:20
okay, nothing about me today. i shall dedicate this post to two loving couples. heh. both guys are from FALL OUT BOY. yep, Patrick & Pete.  quoted from: # Patrick-I love you soo much. You are important to me, if anything happened to you, I wouldn't have a choice other than to die! Your the best and amazing thing that ever happened to me, I'll always be by your side. Rememberhow you said, the best is yet to come..you were the one that came to me. PATRICK MARTIN STUMP ♥ RINNIA NARVAS its so sweet. to be honest, im a bit jealous. anw, i know they'll look good together (: next is PETE LEWIS KINGSTON WENTZ III & ASHLEE whatever lah. this love is totally beyond weird. i cant believe it. dammit. i dont think they should be together. well, if they REALLY love each other then i dont have any other comments. we'll see how long they will last. anw, HAPPY BELATED BDAY TO PETE!   hey, are you there? what are you doing? why cant i see you? can you hear me crying? will you be there? just dont try to make me smile again Labels: fall out boy, patrick martin stump he ate my heart, then he ate my brain ♥
☮
20070603
21:44
im dead. tml is it. sigh.       kemarin kulihat awan membentuk wajahmu desah angin meniupkan namamu tubuhku terpaku semalam bulan sabit melengkungkan senyummu tabur bintang serupa kilau auramu aku pun sadari, ku segera berlari cepat pulang cepat kembali, jangan pergi lagi firasatku ingin kau tuk cepat pulang cepat kembali, jangan pergi lagi alirnya bagai sungai yang mendamba samudera ku tahu pasti kemanakan ku bermuara semoga ada waktu, sayangku ku percaya alam pun berbahasa ada makna di balik semua pertanda firasat ini rasa rindukah atau kah hanya bayang aku tak peduli, ku terus berlari cepat pulang cepat kembali, jangan pergi lagi firasatku ingin kau tuk cepat pulang cepat kembali, jangan pergi lagi dan lihatlah sayang hujan terus membasahi seolah turun air mata cepat pulang cepat kembali, jangan pergi lagi firasatku ingin kau tuk cepat pulang cepat kembali, jangan pergi lagi Marcell - "firasat" Labels: lyrics, marcell, pictures he ate my heart, then he ate my brain ♥
☮
20070602
22:46
nothing much been happening. all the usual thing, thoughts, feelings..     Where is your boy tonight? I hope he is a gentleman. Maybe he won't find out what I know: you were the last good thing about this part of town. When I wake up, I'm willing to take my chances on the hope I forget that you hate him more than you notice I wrote this for you. You need him. I could be him... I could be an accident but I'm still trying. That's more than I can say for him. Where is your boy tonight? I hope he is a gentleman. Maybe he won't find out what I know: you were the last good thing about this part of town. Someday I'll appreciate in value, get off my ass and call you... in the meantime I'll sport my brand new fashion of waking up with pants on at 4:00 in the afternoon. You need him. I could be him... I could be an accident but I'm still trying. That's more than I can say for him. Where is your boy tonight? I hope he is a gentleman. Maybe he won't find out what I know: you were the last good thing about this part of town. (won't find out) he won't find out (won't find out) he won't find out Where is your boy tonight? I hope he is a gentleman. Maybe he won't find out what I know: you were the last good thing about this part of town. Where is your boy tonight? I hope he is a gentleman. Maybe he won't find out what I know: you were the last good thing about this part of town. FALL OUT BOY - "Grand Theft Autumn (Where Is Your Boy)" Labels: fall out boy, lyrics, pictures he ate my heart, then he ate my brain ♥
☮
20070601
23:32
btw, my bro just flew to THAILAND in the morning. im missing him already ):  Labels: im sorry you had to read this he ate my heart, then he ate my brain ♥
☮
23:20
i've been thinking about self-injurous behaviour the other time. sometimes, i felt as if the lecturer was talking about me. i have to admit that some of her words were true. no, im not retarded. or mayb im wrong. its frustrating, you know. sometimes, it feels like im fighting a lose-lose battle against myself when crappy things happen. i self injured many years before i started cutting my forearms unmercilessly. I'm sick of second chances Cigarettes turn to ashes I'm standing under street signs To know the places I've been my whole life I watch the hours pass us Another one burns to ashes I'm waiting for your phone call To come and save me so you can break my fall I will stand outside, wait for you to come find me I will keep on my light by my bed till you get home And I won't sleep tonight, till you get home I won't sleep tonight, till you get home My bed light's burning brighter Boiled like a boxed in fighter You've got me fighting pillows My eyes just won't close till you're at my side The hours slip to morning I see the sun coming up I'm turning off the TV I'm watching faster than you gave up on me I will stand outside, wait for you to come find me I will keep on my light by my bed till you get home And I won't sleep tonight, till you get home I won't sleep tonight, till you get home I got your letters that you sent to me And it feel likes summer But your far away from me When I need you here I will stand outside, wait for you to come find me I will keep on my light by my bed till you get home And I won't (I won't) sleep tonight, till you get home I won't (I won't) sleep tonight, till you get home October Fall ft. Patrick Stump - "Second Chances" Labels: lyrics, october fall, patrick martin stump he ate my heart, then he ate my brain ♥
☮
22:37
im determine to lose weight. just stoppd for a while and tada the pics showed it all. im fat. im seriously fat. its pointless to remind me to smile now.   just to remind me again  then, the thoughts of self-harming is back again. Life is so horrible, for now. im so tired. im still distracting myself again and again. problems, problems, problems. sometimes, i feel like hurting myself again. i dont want to feel better. yes, i mean it. dont try. it'll make things worse. im seriously tired of myself. i hate you, RINNA. why are you doing this to yourself..? forget it. compared to others, im being damn selfish. its nothing compared to others. yes, the world doesnt / wont revolve ard me alone. im being damn selfish. its horrible. im insensitive. mayb im obsessed about my own damn problems. yes, that would be accurate. im sure of it. Labels: fat, im sorry you had to read this he ate my heart, then he ate my brain ♥ |