dear daryll,


again. this time is abt my other blog which i created just to vent my anger. the entires is kinda harsh. whats thr to be hurt abt? its OVER.


280206

let go of the broken glass as you're hand is bleeding
thrw it away for your love ones will be dishearten to see the blood on your hand


040306

i went to Asyikin's hse on thurs. actually, i wanted to go for band. nvm. i went there on tues anyway. came late and Sheila outwin me. nvm. brought Asyikin some sleeveless tees and fried rice which i cooked. we watched AI. you knw, that Sheila kept asked abt band in front of Asyikin. haiz.. i dont knw what to do. i hv been sleepping late this few days. haiz.. well, ytd.. got news tt Asyikin and i are going to the same POLY. NYP. that's GREAT. you knw what..? i screwed her HAPPIEST time. wanna knw how? well, i didnt sound some excited. that idah seems to blame me. WTF !! hate this. blame me. nevermind. my fault. very frustrated though. sometimes, she thought im not happy. actually, im not. im just thinking. thinking deep. im always quiet esp when im thinking. i wonder if she knws this. haiz. sometimes, i wonder why you love me so much and rather be hurt by the one you love. did you ever knew me? did you ever ask more abt me? hv you xplore more abt me? haiz.. do you knw me?


050306

ytd, Sheila added me online. had a nice chat w her until Asyikin left us. you knw what? she asked if i rmb the time i ALMOST kissed Asyikin. i cldnt rmb if it was an ALMOST. well, i told her i REALLY did kiss on Asyikin's cheeks and it was a DARE by idah. i cldnt help it but to tell her the truth. maybe im used to tell what i hv done to others. haiz.. sometimes, i wonder if they knw why i did it. well, im tired. my eyes REALLY hurts. i dont knw why i still wants to stay online. maybe coz he's online. but, set as AWAY. hmm. do i really like him still? maybe its just a stupid feeling. so, i chose to try to IGNORE it. haiz.. i felt like talking to him by MSN. but, im afraid. afraid tt he wont reply or maybe he'll reject me. i dont wish to be rejected so i rather not talk. well, my bday is coming. haiz.. i hope tt it'll be a better one. i dont knw i feel like crying. im totally tired. i wished tt i cld start sch early maybe i cld forget abt him or lets say get my mind off him. whatever.. my english SUCKS now. haiz.. hope tt i cld go for BAND on tues. pls pls. i dont knw why i must go there. but, i wish to go there. maybe im xpecting smtg which WONT come true. haiz. nevermind. hoping for the best BDAY.
A PART OF OUR CONVERSATION:

[10:55:14 PM] achicken: feel irritated.
[10:55:43 PM] achicken: haiz..
[10:55:44 PM] rinna : me?
[10:56:15 PM] achicken: you "sorry", "nvm", "whatever", "so lame", "malas nak layan", "what are you doing"
[10:56:35 PM] rinna : so, it was me.
[10:57:17 PM] rinna : no pt denying
[10:57:18 PM] achicken: im just irritated
[10:57:23 PM] rinna : i knew it
[10:57:25 PM] achicken: sharina is irritating me
[10:57:47 PM] achicken: and i keep wondering wats wrong with you today
[10:57:57 PM] achicken: seems like something bothering you
[10:58:14 PM] achicken: i dunno wats bothering you
[10:58:38 PM] rinna: nth is bothering me
[10:58:52 PM] achicken: and this have to happen a day before your birthday..
[10:59:04 PM] rinna: im sorry
[10:59:04 PM] achicken: which will make you think "every year is gonna be the same on my birthday"
[10:59:20 PM] achicken: be more positve
[10:59:22 PM] achicken: will you?
[10:59:26 PM] rinna : i am
[10:59:47 PM] rinna : i didnt said tt im unhappy or anything
[10:59:58 PM] achicken: you sound like one.
[11:00:05 PM] rinna : haiz..
[11:00:07 PM] achicken: i know when you are happy or unhappy.
[11:00:20 PM] achicken: the way you converse with me today is diff.
[11:00:43 PM] rinna : forget it and move on
[11:00:53 PM] rinna : im sorry
[11:00:58 PM] rinna : im so sorry
[11:01:00 PM] achicken: what is bothering you?
[11:01:02 PM] achicken: WHAT?
[11:01:03 PM] rinna : it my fault
[11:01:19 PM] rinna : its my fault of sounding so upset
[11:01:21 PM] achicken: are you ever gonna tell me?
[11:01:26 PM] achicken: why?
[11:01:44 PM] achicken: why upset?
[11:01:48 PM] rinna : im sorry for MAKING YOU THINK TT IM UPSET whereas im not at all
[11:02:03 PM] achicken: fine.
[11:02:06 PM] rinna : im sorry
[11:02:12 PM] rinna : im sorry for everything
[11:02:22 PM] rinna : everything i do SEEMS so wrong.
[11:02:25 PM] rinna : im sorry
[11:02:26 PM] achicken: nevermind
[11:02:31 PM] rinna : im really sorry
[11:02:39 PM] achicken: you can STOP saying sorry
[11:02:46 PM] rinna : forget it and move on
[11:02:57 PM] achicken: easy..
[11:02:58 PM] achicken: okay
[11:04:22 PM] rinna : am i always sound sad everyday to you?
[11:04:31 PM] achicken: NO.
[11:04:32 PM] achicken: i didnt say that
[11:04:46 PM] achicken: 3,4,5 march
[11:04:52 PM] achicken: bad days isnt it?
[11:05:23 PM] rinna : i realised its wrong to be quiet and think for a while
[11:05:34 PM] achicken: whatever
[11:05:44 PM] rinna : im really sorry...
[11:05:48 PM] rinna : thanks
[11:05:57 PM] rinna : gnite
[11:06:04 PM] rinna : you better go to slp
[11:06:08 PM] rinna : loewe you
[11:06:31 PM] achicken: just say if you wanna end this conversation
[11:07:20 PM] achicken: its always ".........."
[11:07:22 PM] rinna : im sorry tt it has to be this way
[11:07:54 PM] achicken: you are just going towards sharina's way
[11:08:10 PM] achicken: why didnt you say you were studying?
[11:08:16 PM] achicken: i wldnt have disturbed AT ALL
[11:08:50 PM] rinna : im REALLY SORRY
[11:09:12 PM] achicken: im so fed up now
[11:09:19 PM] achicken: why cant you say it earlier?
[11:09:25 PM] achicken: and makes me think you are upset?
[11:09:30 PM] achicken: when you think, i get worried
[11:09:37 PM] rinna : i JUST started studying.
[11:09:53 PM] achicken: then what about just now?
[11:09:59 PM] achicken: what were you thinking?
[11:10:13 PM] rinna : nvm..
[11:10:36 PM] achicken: you wld NEVER tell me
[11:10:38 PM] achicken: wats on your mind
[11:10:43 PM] achicken: wats bothering you
[11:10:55 PM] achicken: and other stuffs
[11:10:59 PM] achicken: this is so unfair
[11:10:59 PM] achicken: when you always knew about me
[11:11:30 PM] rinna : everything i do SEEMS to hurt you
[11:11:58 PM] rinna : so, i rather DIE KEEPING ALL MY probs to myself
[11:12:35 PM] achicken: didnt you say i wld be unhappy if you are unhappy too?
[11:12:41 PM] achicken: you never seem to tell probs to me
[11:12:48 PM] achicken: except family probs
[11:12:55 PM] achicken: wat others? NOTHING.
[11:13:04 PM] rinna : nvm
[11:13:04 PM] achicken: i dun even know what were you thinking.
[11:13:14 PM] rinna : IM SORRY
[11:13:16 PM] achicken: how wld you feel if one day.. i got upset..
[11:13:25 PM] achicken: and i NEVER or want to tell you anything?
[11:13:49 PM] achicken: you can tell others..
[11:13:52 PM] achicken: but not me.
[11:14:42 PM] achicken: this secretive habit of yours has been going on for years
[11:14:48 PM] achicken: just when are you gonna open up to me?
[11:15:09 PM] rinna : hvnt i told you
[11:15:29 PM] achicken: really.
[11:15:37 PM] achicken: im starting to get VERY fed up.
[11:15:44 PM] achicken: now.
[11:16:16 PM] achicken: NOT bcoz im sleepy or ther stupid reasons.
[11:16:39 PM] achicken: well..
[11:16:48 PM] achicken: you can continue keeping probs to yourself
[11:16:54 PM] achicken: you can tell others too if you wish
[11:17:01 PM] achicken: if you think it will HURT me.
[11:17:07 PM] rinna : i hv nv told anyone
[11:17:19 PM] rinna : im sorry
[11:17:40 PM] achicken: forget it
[11:17:51 PM] achicken is now Offline




you knw what? all i hv to say is ITS MY DAMN FUCKING FAULT. i hate all this CRAPPY quarrels. i hate it when she PRETENDS to be upset and xpect ME TO SAY SORRY. FUCK !! i cant take this anymore. i dont knw why im still sticking w her. WTF ! i will NEVER, EVER forget what she typed, "YOU SAID THAT THERE'S A LOT OF WAYS TO SHOW LOVE. HURTING ME IS YOUR WAY."


070306

what's wrong w me? haiz.. i dont knw happened. im sorry that it had to be this way. i almost said tt i wanna let her go. FUCK. i hate every FUCKING thing. haiz.. whats really wrong w me? i dont knw what to do. im so confused. i hv so mch to say to her. i knw tt im wrong. she did it too. why cant i? she said tt its unfair. i feel so frustrated. i just wanna forget everything. this pain is so real. haiz.. i cried and cried. actually, the day was suppose to be a GREAT day. honestly speaking. im not lying. im really tired. i cant sleep. you knw, in the morn i got a scolding frm my bro. does she knws this? dammit. i hate everything. it SUCKS. my bday really SUCKS. i hate it. maybe nothing will make it a better day. haiz. every year, i hope for a better bday. GUESS WHAT? it got worse as each DAMN year pass. haiz.. i feel so stupid. i wanna start sch now !! i dont care if it's gonna b stressful. i dont care. as long i cld get THIS SHIT off me. FUCK. i hate it. i feel so frustrated. she thinks that she cld be upset and fed up. maybe i wanted to be alone. and i didnt get it. IM FED UP! haiz.. i feel so FUCKING ANGRY !! fed up of her and hurting her then, gets the blames. i dont mind getting the blames. but, it SUCKS !! i hate it.

he ate my heart, then he ate my brain ♥