a story i read.. on LIME ( August 2005 )




READER'S TRUE ACCOUNT:
"Mum made me dump my lesbian best friend.."


"i'd seen Felicia around school, but we'd never really talked until we were posted to the same class in Sec 3. We hit it off immediately. Most of our classmates were the 'cheena' girls who were crazy about F4, while Felicia and i were hip-hop fans. So, even though Felicia was always in baggy jeans, big tees and sneakers, i assumed it was a hip-hop thing

"im an only child and Felicia soon became like a sister to me. i would tell her everything about my fights with my parents to the guys i liked. But when i asked her crushes, she would always change the subject. i thought it was because she didnt have much experience with boys.

"My mum like Felicia because she was a good student. Felicia would even sleep over on weekends and have Sunday brunch with my family. Mum prided herself on being an open-minded and modern mother. Once, a neighbour commented that Felicia looked like a tomboy. Mum spoke up for her, saying that everyone had a right to wear whatever he or she wanted. Our neighbour joked that mum had better be careful that i wasnt hanging out with 'one of thoselesbians'. Mum even told her not to be so old-fashioned, that there was nothing wrong with lesbians if that was what they chose to be.

"One day, Felicia finally told me that shes gay. i wasnt very surprised since there were many lesbians in my all-girls school. Coming out had raised her profile in our school and she even had admirers among the lower Secondary girls. We remained best friends. i continued dating guys while she went out with girls. In fact, her confession made us more open with each other.

"We both knew im straight, but we'd sometimes hold hands in front of out friends to confuse them, just for a joke. Before long, rumours were flying all overe school that i was bisexual and dating Felicia and other guys. i was rather flattered that everyone thought i was so attractive to both sexes!

"i didnt tell mum that Felicia is gay because i didnt think it was important. i honestly thought it wouldnt be a problem even if she knew, because she had always said she was open-minded. Unfortunately, mum heard about it from another source. A bunch of us, including Felicia's girlfriend, were hanging out at Far East Plaza after our '0' levels exams. A neighbour saw Felicia and i holding hands. Her daughter, who was our schoolmate, also told her about the rumours at school.

As soon as i got that night, mum started interrogating me as if i was a prisoner. Didnt she say it was okay to be a lesbian? Mum retorted that when she said that, she wasnt expecting her daughter to be one. She was such a hypocrite! She only calmed down when i finally told her that although Felicia is a gay, i am straight. i even told her that Felicia's parents didnt know about her secret.

"The next day, mum sat me down for a talk. She said that although she trusted me, she didnt trust Felicia. She was afraid that Felicia might hit on me, or influence me to 'become gay' too. Basically, she wanted to stop seeing Felicia. We got into a huge shouting match and i even threatened to leave home. Finally, mum played her trump card. If i didnt obey her, she would tell Felicia's parents and force her to 'stop clinging on to my daughter'.

"Although i was determined not to give in, Felicia was terrified that her parents would find out about her secret. In the end, she convinced me tha we should stop hanging out for a while to let my mum calm down. Because i didnt want her to get into trouble, i agreed.

"We were posted to different JCs and i no longer saw her in school everyday. i felt as if a part of my life was missing. Even when i called or SMS-ed her, she was always busy with school, CCAs or her girlfriend.

"Although i keep assuring mum that i am straight, i dont think she really believes me, especially when she sees how much i miss Felicia. i just miss the friendship we had; im not romantically attracted to her at all. Sometimes i wonder, is it really impossible for a straight girl and a lesbian to be pals? If only my mum is as open-minded as she claims she is. Felicia and i would still be best friends today..

he ate my heart, then he ate my brain ♥