☮ 20050515 20:23


From : Nur Asyikin Rashid
Sent : Sunday, May 15, 2005 8:00:40 PM
To : rinna_oi@hotmail.com


hey i only manage to find a few letters.... i hope it will help...... i didn't type the unrelevant infos.... i only type which has a link to you....

5/6/05

after the paper, i felt really mad coz rinna told sheila where i was knowing dat i dun wanna go home wif her. and dat bloody qns. haiz. im wondering why she wan the three of us to be back together like the last time. i really dun wan. din i say it before? if the three of us were to be together again, i would be the first to back out. please. i can't forget wat she did to me. her innocent looking face has deceived so many ppl. hmm. i need to cool down. geez. i was so damn angry dat i din tok a single word on the way home. suddenly, it rained heavily. God, it seems like You understand my anger and sadness inside me. me and rinna argue again on msn. oh man. why must this always happen? aaargh! stop it!

9/5/05

lies! lies! lies! yea. im feeling so hurt now. yesterday, she typed in the sisters blog dat she can't go home wif me coz she had sumthing to settle. actually my mood did change wen i read it. and wat i predicted was rite. her godbro from Monfort came. dat was the thing she need to settle. aw. no wonder. so i ran to the bridge. i tried to cool down. then i went home alone and pass the McDonalds. guess who i saw inside? them of coz. i was saying to myself "wat the hell?". i was feeling so bloody angry and tried to avoid from looking at her. why does she always lie? i can't take it anymore. to tell u the truth, i dun wan to hear anymore explanations. i had enough. i already saw everything wif my own eyes. wat's this?! aargh!

10/5/05

i had my maths paper 2 today. um. after dat, i went straight home and din wait fer her. anyway, i hav a feeling she went home wif sheila. i dunno. im still hurting deep inside. these few days, i've not been talking much to my frenz. no jokes. no laughter. and it seems like i have forgotten how to smile. there is so much hatred in me and it is so difficult to get rid of it. im starting to hate almost everything. really. i can't take another lie. tell me. is her godbro so important to her till she must lie to me? if it is so, why lie? i rather you break my heart wif the truth instead. truthfully, the lie and the truth hurts. but it hurts even more wen i found out the truth myself. haiz. i really dunno wat to do. i can't seem to let her go. yea. just a few months with dem, she's already happy. but now she is suffering wif me i guess. i noe im useless.


13/5/05

is sheila gonna be stuck to us? oh man. i dun wan. looks like rinna dun believe my words and is being more nicer to her. well dat makes her wanna come closer to us. haiz. and im starting to hate the McDonalds now. coz of them. i find those band members irritating. dun tell me they will come here everyday?! wen i look at them, the more i feel like.... aargh! sumtimes i feel so guilty. got a feeling rinna wan to be wif dem but bcoz of me, she cant. im so selfish. because of my health, she's burdened! i hate myself. does she sympathise with me? these few days, i can't really remember anything. i dunno wats wrong wif me. haiz. i cant imagine how it is gonna be wen band resumes as per normal. the great depression will start again.

14/5/05

before tuition, i went to the playground. i wanted to find peace. but in the end, i became a burden. i have to call rinna. no one is at home and idah's hp is spoiled. my head hurts so terribly dat i was feeling so weak that time. i felt like dying. thank goodness rinna came even though i can see that she looks very tired after her Mendaki tuition. i was so touched. she held my arm all the way till my tuition place. i dunno. she was trying hard not to make me think about death. but there is something which i kept it from her. chances of me living is slim but is still possible to be cured. can this miracle happen?


no date

remember what you said the last time? you said just one godsis is enough so that your love do not have to be divided. but you got quite a godbro/godsis now. all are band members. i just feel like pushing you to them. but i just kept quiet. you should have seen your senior's face when he passed me that time. it was so ironic. just from the look. sumtimes i wondered. why you couldn't be like aqilah? she's also a band member. a top 4. but not totally engrossed in band. she do spend time with her friends if possible. why couldn't you be like iris? she's willing to quit band bcoz she wanna be wif her godsis. if only u were them. if only.

he ate my heart, then he ate my brain ♥